crying , again

im crying when typing this entry. God , i cant stand anymore. seriously , i dont want to hurt myself anymore , but i cant. please do take me away. aku rasa mcm nk kena langgar kereta jee lepas tu biar hilang ingatan so i will not remember all bout him , even inch. why so hard for me to face this condition ? i know i stil have happy family , loving friends but why i cant forget that fuck guy ?? he break my heart into pieces , he dumbed me like shit , but why i cant give him shit too. 4 years been together , almost every single thing we did together , how do i forget him so sudden without any strong reasons. i cant stop my tears drop seriously. i called him just now after bout a week we didnt contact.

i : hello hey , awk tgh bwtpe ?
he : hello , baru lepas mandi.
i : oh , awk takde paper dah ?
he : tak , dah abis exam.
i : oh then takde clas ke ?
he : kte kt rumah ni.
i : oh , kenapa tak contact i langsung ?
he : sorry , kte tak boleh. kte tak boleh mcm dulu dah. kte takde freedom bila dgn awk.
i : *speechless
he : im sorry , i cant. i think i cant be with you anymore. i have my life now , and im happy.
i : *keep silent
he : u dah makan ?
i : tak.
he : i dah tak boleh layan u punya merajuk lagi dah. i malas.
i : okay takpe , kte nk tw awk sihat kan ?
he : awk sihat tak ?
i : okay je.
he : demam ? batuk ? suara awk mcm tak sihat.
i : tak , i okay. (tahan nangis)
he : if tak sihat makan ubat , if batuk , minum air byk k. nanti kang jgn lupa makan.
i : okay.
he : k la kte nak makan jugak ni. awk pegi lah. sorry.
i : *letak phone and start crying like hell

see , this is our last conversation. i dont know why but aku tak rasa tu dia. i dont even trust that he's like that. i dont trust that he talked to me like that , he asked me to go away. he told me that he cant be with me. he told me that he is happier now , he doesnt need me. i cant believe. im crying and i feel that im starting to hate him. i did everything for him , i sacrificed a lot but this is how he gives me back. thank you Amir Najhan Asyraf for being such an idiot in my life. aku menyesal kenal kau. when i think back bout your promises , i realize that all of them are such of lies. i dont even trust a man now ! you dumbed me because of no reasons. if you said that i kuat merajuk , common lah , every couples outside there merajuk kot. but sokay , i get your point now. you dont need me anymore , fullstop :/ fine , il move on , and bear in your mind there's no tiny space for you anymore in my heart dear ex :)